Fuck this shit.
I just feel like balling my eyes out.
Today my dad told me that he is very sick, and if something should happen, I shouldn’t be sad.
He told me that he doesn’t have long, and he is happy about it, since there is nothing for him to live for besides my brother and I.
My mom was talking about his funeral as if he was already had one foot in the grave, and asked me to think about where it should be. And who she needed to contact.
It’s difficult to process, it’s hard to imagine.Even though we have never had a typical father daughter relationship, it is pretty shitty.
I feel so much guilt. I feel like I spent much too much time being angry and not enough time enjoying his company. It’s like the hourglass is sifting through the last bits of sand and everyone is impatiently waiting and pacing to watch the time run out.
